


Condemned to silence

by HayabusaHideki



Category: Inazuma Eleven: Ares no Tenbin
Genre: Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 23:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20920682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HayabusaHideki/pseuds/HayabusaHideki
Summary: I am so ready. I'm so ready to be free.





	Condemned to silence

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Requiem](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16057820) by [VanfenyWolfein](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VanfenyWolfein/pseuds/VanfenyWolfein). 

> I wasn't supposed to post this today, but decided to do it otherwise this will end up being forgotten in my drafts folder. I don't really know what to say about this as I wrote it at midnight. Guess it's my weird coping mechanism. Uhm, title is from a Trees of Eternity's song. Listen to it if you feel like it. And this is like a sequel to my previous story (Requiem), so I highly recommend you to read it before this one.  
Please, excuse my grammar/spelling mistakes. English is not my native language. Feel free to leave a comment. See you next time.

  
_A million tears I want to cry, but I shield my face and dry my eyes. Swallowing my hurt, breaking inside._

  
I know I don't have much time to live, that this illness it's slowly and painfully killing me every single day I pass by.  
I don't want to spend my last days on a hospital bed when I know well all those treatments are a waste of time as they are not going to cure me. But also I know, you dear Seiya, don't want me to suffer and that all of this is for you to have hope that I'll recover. That I'll live long enough to make our dreams come true.  
Nothing of that is happening.  
All I wish now is that you can forgive me for leaving you here alone in this world, for not being as brave as you thought I was and deciding to end my life like this. But you have no idea of how much I suffer everyday even when it seems that everything is fine and nothing hurts me. I feel so much pain that there are no words to describe it. The reason why I've come up with this plan is that I want you, my love, to remind me as the ever handsome and brave Nosaka Yuuma you met years ago. Yes, I've heard you referring to me like that. Please, understand that I don't want to keep on suffering. I want to spend my last days by your side, even if it's for a short period as there isn't a single reason to prevent me of doing such thing.  
When I think about it, my plan, it's so lovely. So exciting. Going to an antique dress store, picking out dresses and playing dress-up, trying to find the one. The perfect one. Doing my makeup as the pretty girl I never was, and feeling like a princess waiting for my blue prince to come, rescuing me from this cruel fate. Spending my last day together, you and I, doing whatever we want, eating junk food and candy, and kissing each other with sticky ice cream lips, whispering how much we love each other with the sun shining down on us, holding hands. Lying in the grass. Breathing in my last air and staring up at the blue sky, and the fluffy clouds. Dancing around to our favorite songs.  
Then I leave you at home, promising you I'll be back soon, that I'm only going for a walk and you believe me, and smile at me. I kiss you goodbye and I go. On my way to that place, I start drinking and taking pills and drugs as the sun falls from the sky, into the night. My fears resting in the pitch of my stomach start to become numb, and I wait. Then I take a taxi and ask the driver to leave me  
there . And I walk down the dark tracks, with only the moon to guide me for one last time. Bringing with me the letter I've written for you to read when I no longer exist in this world. I walk down, balancing, stumbling. Laughing while tears stream down my face, knowing that soon this suffering will cease.  
Then I reach the curve. That's the spot. I lie there, with my neck resting against the cold rails. I listen to the songs I've already selected for this occasion until I am calm. I talk to myself, comforting me. This is it. I hear the horn sound miles away, and I start praying to a God I know it doesn't exist and letting go. I sweat and cry, holding myself. I wait. And it comes. And I die, finally. I am finally free.  
I am so ready. I'm so ready to be free.


End file.
